I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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