The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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