I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
