I CAN MOONWALK!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
