I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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