That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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