Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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