I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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