Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
