I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
