My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
