Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
