Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
