so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they're like a gay fantastic four
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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