i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
