Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
