what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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