i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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