He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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