you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
