I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
