he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
thus making me awesome and them whores
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
