yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
