she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
