This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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