you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
