She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.