Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
