so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
