I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
