I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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