Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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