I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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