It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
