I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
