Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
