There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
