Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
