It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
