I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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