I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
