I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
