She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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