I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
