I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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