once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
