Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
