This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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