dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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