I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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