you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
