Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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