I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
this hospital has no fireball
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
