I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize