Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
