we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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