I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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