I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My balls are so social today.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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