Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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