forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
