Ambien. No doubt about it.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize