corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
