Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
