Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
