I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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