oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
