my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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