i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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